Saturday, March 10, 2007
The Plot of the Seventh Book
To save you having to read the seventh book because it'll probably be as bad as Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (don't ask me how it gets 4.5 stars, nobody I know rated it at all) I have provided the following synopsis of the final book. This synopsis is based only on shrewd guesses and not on any leakages from J K Rowlings' publishers.
Harry is told that Voldemort is, in fact, his father. He can't quite believe this, but over the remainder of the book he comes to accept it.
Ron and Hermione's love interest deepens, but in a twist Hermione and Harry find out they are really brother and sister (Hermione was also adopted). Ron overhears Harry telling Hermione he loves her, but misses the end of the sentence which is "as a sister". This allows the book to contain a bit more sexual tension than is normal for a children's book but which is important for its main readership (adults).
Dumbledore isn't really dead or maybe he finds a way to come back to life because he is a direct rip off of Aslan the Lion.
In the final scene, Harry confronts Voldemort and is nearly beaten. He appeals to Voldemort, as his father, to turn back to the good side of magic for the sake of his son (Harry). There's a bit of literary tension and in the end Voldemort does respond to Harry's pleading and saves him. However it's too late for Voldemort himself who dies, a redeemed hero, in Harry's arms.
In the epilogue, it is revealed to Ron that Harry loves Hermione only as a sister, so that's OK and she will marry Ron and have his babies. Harry gives Voldemort the funeral a hero deserves which probably involves a big bonfire with Voldemort's body on it.
Finally, J K Rowling writes a prequel series which tells how Voldemort turned to the Dark Side... sorry, I mean "Dark Arts" which is horribly depressing because we know it ends badly. Rupert Grint spends the rest of his life on web forums trying to explain how "making the Hogwarts run in less than 12 miles" is not a mistake and a mile can be viewed as a measurement of time.
Harry is told that Voldemort is, in fact, his father. He can't quite believe this, but over the remainder of the book he comes to accept it.
Ron and Hermione's love interest deepens, but in a twist Hermione and Harry find out they are really brother and sister (Hermione was also adopted). Ron overhears Harry telling Hermione he loves her, but misses the end of the sentence which is "as a sister". This allows the book to contain a bit more sexual tension than is normal for a children's book but which is important for its main readership (adults).
Dumbledore isn't really dead or maybe he finds a way to come back to life because he is a direct rip off of Aslan the Lion.
In the final scene, Harry confronts Voldemort and is nearly beaten. He appeals to Voldemort, as his father, to turn back to the good side of magic for the sake of his son (Harry). There's a bit of literary tension and in the end Voldemort does respond to Harry's pleading and saves him. However it's too late for Voldemort himself who dies, a redeemed hero, in Harry's arms.
In the epilogue, it is revealed to Ron that Harry loves Hermione only as a sister, so that's OK and she will marry Ron and have his babies. Harry gives Voldemort the funeral a hero deserves which probably involves a big bonfire with Voldemort's body on it.
Finally, J K Rowling writes a prequel series which tells how Voldemort turned to the Dark Side... sorry, I mean "Dark Arts" which is horribly depressing because we know it ends badly. Rupert Grint spends the rest of his life on web forums trying to explain how "making the Hogwarts run in less than 12 miles" is not a mistake and a mile can be viewed as a measurement of time.
# posted by JeremyP : 1:57 am
