JeremyP's Blog

Rich and Luke and I have just embarked on a new webby project that will blow everybody's socks off. It's the pneumatic footwear remover....

Well no, it's a bit more prosaic than that. Anyway, Rich has already mocked up the web site look and feel and I can tell you it looks pretty spiffy already even though when you press the wrong button you get mysql errors. He can work wonders on half an hour of tax payers time ahem. As it was my idea, I'm in charge and coordinating (oh dear). We are using Subversion to control the source code which is PHP and mysql. There will be regular updates as we go along.

Spiders? oh yes, I also meant to talk about spiders. Basically, there was one in my bath this morning. Now, I'm a man with a beer gut to prove it and therefore not frightened of anything.

Except spiders.

I firmly believe it will be a spider that kills me. One day there will be one in my shoe or in a glass of water I'm drinking and it'll give me a cardiac arrest. That's what they do to me. Don't even ask me to touch one, much less pick it up.

So I have a dilemma. Either I deal with the spider or go around ponging all day. The second option is looking good especially as I have had no accidents (look for "Orifices" - actually don't), but there are strategies for removing spiders from baths.

• Hang a bit of loo roll over the side. Spiders are often found in baths simply because the sides are too smooth to climb up. Loo roll acts like a ladder. OK so after this the spider is going to be loose in the house, but then I can simply run away. spiders in baths cannot be avoided if you want to use the bath. Anyway this spider would have nothing to do with the loo roll I waved at it, in fact it seemed to want to run away. It didn't get very far, of course because it couldn't get up the side.
  
• Put the cat in the bath. This was the favourite tactic of my mate Tim. Cats like spiders especially Tim's cat "Dil". Actually Dil deserves to be remembered. He was the ultimate cat's cat. A lovable moggy with a dark side, he did for most of the bird and rodent life in our road and when I say rodent life, I'm including the next door neighbours' rabbit in that class. Apparently, he sent round some chocolates and a note: "I'm truely sorry I ate Hazel". Unfortunately, I don't own a cat and I pong too much to go round and borrow Sara's.
  
• Glass and paper. Glass over the top, slide paper underneath, lift and separate. This idea requires self control since as soon as the spider moves my urge is to drop the glass into the bath where it shatters and I find myself instantly transported to the end of the road wearing just a dressing gown. I try it once. Fortunately the deadlock is on so I can't get through the front door and the "glass" was plastic.
  
• Vacuum cleaner. Now we're talking. I retrieve my old vacuum cleaner from the cupboard under the stairs. Why the old one? Well the new one is a Dyson which has a mere one design flaw: you can see whatever you suck up whirling around in the dust chamber thingy. Definitely the old one (which I actually keep only for the purpose of sucking up spiders). I suppose one day the bag will be full, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
  

The vacuum cleaner did the trick. There was only a slight queasy moment as the spider rattled down the tube. I carefully put the vacuum cleaner away with the nozzle pointing upward to make it harder for the spider to get out again.

There's no hot water.